ᅮ free  Format Kindle Where the Light Gets In: Losing My Mother Only to Find Her Again ᇕ Kindle Ebook Author Kimberly Williams Paisley ቆ ᅮ free Format Kindle Where the Light Gets In: Losing My Mother Only to Find Her Again ᇕ Kindle Ebook Author Kimberly Williams Paisley ቆ Chapter1Our pale blue station wagon fishtailed down a hill on icy snow Home was just ahead, a sharp and narrow right turn through stone pillars off Howe Place in Bronxville, New York We were in troublemoving faster, skidding nearly out of control If Mom spun the wheel too hard and we missed the driveway, the Buick would whirl a hundred feet to the bottom of the street and plunge down a flight of stairs on the other side of an intersection.There were no rules in 1979 about kids sitting in the backseat So I was Moms co pilot in the front I could feel her panic rise I looked out the window at the cold black sky and prayed in fear to the brightest star In my eight year olds world, it was the soul of my grandfather, who was something of a saint to me and had died months earlier.Grandpa, I prayed Save us We need you.Shit, Mom said Id never heard her say that word I prayed harder Grandpa, PLEASE Help Mom.We were entering the perilous turn She seemed alarmed than Id ever seen her as her hands gripped the wheel I struggled to keep my eye on that star Time slowed My mother screamed.Shit Shit Shit in a bucket The car swerved, turned, and slid between the pillars A layer of snow on our driveway crunched under the tires, and then we were in our garage, safe.There was a silence, broken a few moments later by tentative laughter.What about a bucket I snickered.Sorry, Mom said, a little embarrassed That was just something your grandfather used to say.A miracle I thanked the star.For one of the first times in my life, my mom had become someone else right before my eyes I was both startled and intrigued Who was this mother of mine Ive asked myself that question many times since she was diagnosed with primary progressive aphasia, a rare form of dementia, in 2005 at the age of sixty two She has since become someone I barely recognize.I miss herthe mom from long ago, before any of this started.As I write this, Im looking at two black and white photos taken on my wedding day than thirteen years ago The separate shots of Mom and me are nestled artfully together under clear, clean glass and a bright white beveled mat.After Brad had kissed me, a gospel choir scattered secretly throughout the congregation stood up and belted out Oh Happy Day Brad and I paraded back up the aisle and then snuck into a balcony to watch our dressed down, rowdy guests They were cheering, waving, singing Amazing Grace and a raucous Praise God.And there was Mom in the middle of everyone She seemed euphoric.Later I arranged the two separate photos of that moment in the same black frame She is in the lower corner, with her arms held high and rigid Her one visible eye conveys a mixture of ecstasy and perhaps fear about what was beginning to happen to her Above her picture is one of me Im looking up, laughing I am lifted by the love of my family, especially my mother.Below the photos is a quote from something Id told an interviewer at a magazine a few years earlier for their Mothers Day issue I copied it down in black ink Shes still that voice in my head that says, Go for it You can do it Even if things are scary or difficult or youve never done them before, do them anyway I put this collage together for Mom after my wedding as a sort of peace offering Her bouts of anger had become frequent recently, and I was hoping to put all of the strains of the engagement and wedding behind us I think I knew she needed encouragement And I wanted her to know I was grateful for all that shed given me up to that point in my life It was true my mother had always urged my brother and sister and me to go for it, beginning in my earliest years.When I was a child, we often went to Cape Cod in September to visit my grandmother after Grandpa died Most beachgoers were content to sit on their towels at the end of the tourist season But Mom wouldnt stand for that.Despite the first cool whisperings of winter in the breeze or a cloudy sky, she would gather Jay, Ash, and me up off the sand at Old Silver Beach, and wed hold hands and charge toward the water, past the lounging local residents.Run right into the waves shed instruct Itll be great Mom knew that if we waded in tentatively, we would never get wet above the knees.I was the oldest, the parent pleaser and rule follower Back then, it was up to me to set a good example for Jay, three years my junior, and Ash, the youngest of the family Moms enthusiasm was an invitation we couldnt reject.Well do it together she would yell With goose bumps on our tanned skin, we raced, shrieking, into the frothy waters of Buzzards Bay, let go of each other as we fell into the waves, and bobbed back up She was right It was great.My mother was teaching us not to shy away in the face of a challenge Not to shrink from what was uncomfortable.One day in the future, when scientists study her donated brain, theyll find signs of her disease They might see plaquewaste material that looks like dust balls under the microscope They may zoom inside the cells, searching for tangles resembling a jumble of spaghetti Her brain overall will most certainly be smaller than normal, and some of the tissue might be slightly yellow or green instead of the usual gray.But they wont be able to detect my mothers courage They wont see her stubbornness, or humor, or infectious passion for life They wont be able to measure how much she loved her family or what kind of parent she was.My mother is not her disease.She was the one who got me to appreciate the excitement of thunderstorms When hurricanes threatened, while many residents were nailing plywood over their windows, Mom was driving us to the beach to see the wild wind churn the waves It was her voice in my head that told me to go to the cattle call audition for Father of the Bride when part of me wanted to stay in my safe dorm room Hers was the whisper in my heart that urged me to say yes to the adventure of flying upside down in a biplane in the middle of Africa when I was twenty four.Seek out adventures, she told us Come back with stories.In the meantime, she didnt tolerate whining It wasnt in her genetic makeup Her British grandfather survived four and a half years in a Japanese prison camp in Hong Kong but didnt talk about it after he came home Her stockbroker father, George Payne, never outwardly despaired when markets plummeted Its only money, he would say.Once I saw my grandmother Betty pull a dish out of a hot oven with her bare hands, and she didnt even flinch My mothers family history was a tale of determination and endurance, and it influenced the way she raised usincluding the way she reacted when anyone in the family got sick When I was about ten, Mom gave me an eye roll when she overheard me on the phone with my father describing in detail the way the cut on my right palm felt after Id fallen and gashed it on a rock.Pain, sharp pain, pain, sharp pain, I said, milking the attention.Oh, brother, Mom said Youre fine No big deal Get back out there It healed, and she was right I was fine, even though I still have quite a scar.Mom launched me at an early age toward escapades and quests, some braver than shed ever attempted And her deep, no nonsense love helped keep my feet rooted to the ground.But as Moms illness began to overtake her, dementia distorted her view of the world and erupted as extreme sadness, rage, and fear Gradually I lost sight of the mother I used to know I was shocked by the woman who seemed and alien.My family made many missteps I regret the things I didnt have the nerve to discuss out loud I wish I hadnt listened to Moms misguided requests for secrecy and autonomy rather than to rational, practical advice from people outside the family who could have offered help to both of my parents Im sad that I didnt keep a closer watch on my father, my mothers primary caregiver Im sorry I had to be a long distance caregiver, caught between tending my mom and mothering my own children I hate that my sister wound up carrying so much of the burden.Eventually, though, surprising blessings began to emerge As I begin this story of my mother, I realize that our lives today are no longer black and white I see Mom and me in a different frame now I believe were healed in ways we couldnt have foreseen.The woman I visit today can no longer act as a mother or wife Her single room and bath in her new home is on the fifth and highest floor, the last stop for residents requiring advanced memory care She sits in a wheelchair much of the time and rarely speaks Her head droops to the right Her expression is vacant She sleeps often.But her caregivers love her They say she is impish And empatheticshe senses whether the people around her are happy or having a hard day She makes a face if someone is being inappropriate, and she often laughs at the sound of music She occasionally still seems to know some things I continue to learn from her, in profound ways.Today shes near the counter where nurse assistants dish out a hot lunch Her wheelchair faces a bank of curtainless windows with a panoramic view of lush treetops I dont know how much of her own story, or mine, she remembers now.She sucks Fresca or cranberry juice mixed with water through a straw when I put it to her lips I offer her minestrone soup, and she clamps down on the spoon and wont let it go I wait She releases and sighs, closing her eyes.I wipe a smear of soup off her chin with a napkin Her eyes open and look at me Connection She shakes her tilted head slightly.Why she asks It is a question she has asked before It is one I ask a lot Why Why is this happening to you, Mom I imagine what shes thinking Why cant I have an apple martini Why are you staring at me Why am I in this place with all these strange people I dont know, I answer, and wait She sighs.Shit, she says.Shit in a bucket, I answer And she laughs, mouth open wide and eyes sparkling For an instant there she is again.Chapter2I dont know if Linda Payne Williams ever thought shed be a mother The year I was conceived, my parents were living out their dreams as foreign correspondents They had quit solid jobs with steady pay at Newsday, given up a new apartment near a beach in suburban Long Island, and said goodbye to family and friends in New York Now, in 1970, they were freelance writers in a walk up flat in London, feeding shillings into a stand alone heater and cuddling to stay warm Dad called my mother Scout because of her brave pioneer spirit A single table was their office They wore down the only typewriter ribbon theyd brought to England and reused sheets of paper by filling up every available blank space.The first word about me appears on one of those pages, above my dads handwritten notes for an article Mom grabbed it and scribbled her breaking news in the corner as she received the results over the phone from the pregnancy test Positive.Even after they knew she was expecting, they accepted an assignment from Newsday to write a feature story on the simmering conflict in Northern Ireland between Protestants and Catholics.Dad went on foot patrol through dark Belfast streets alongside British troops searching deserted houses for crude bomb factories He wore a flak jacket lent to him to protect him from explosion fragments, secretly hoping hed have a Hemingway moment where hed have to dive for cover or duck a bullet, all for the sake of the story In a gesture toward responsible parenting, Momwho usually would have accompanied himreluctantly chose to stay at the hotel.Dad survived without a scratch, and the next day they flew back to the States It would be the last time either of my parents would take on a dangerous assignment, or even drive above the speed limit Planned or not, raising a family soon became their center ring adventure.Mom delivered me three weeks early on September 14, 1971 Her water broke, and four hours later she was a mother According to her tattered but elaborate record of my every moment, I weighed four pounds, seven and a half ounces and lived in an incubator for a day or so, until I was healthy enough to go home.My head was hardly bigger than a tennis ball, my body the size of a kittens One of Moms friends met me for the first time when my mother was cleaning up their apartment in Bronxville Shed wrapped me in a long blanket trailing off toward the ground The visitor was terrified that the vacuum cleaner might suck up the end of the blanket with tiny me in it.Shes fine, Mom insisted.I thrived, and the family grew Jay was born in 1974, and we moved from an apartment into a small house Then Ashley surprised everyone in 1978 Mom and Dad bought a bigger house, and my father churned out articles from his home office, while my mother officially stopped working to take care of us.Dads freelance sales were barely enough to support a wife and three kids in the 70s For years we bought groceries on sale and got our shoes two sizes too big so we could grow into them The house became chaotic Stacks of old newspapers, letters, and unfinished to do lists piled up on the floors and in corners, enough to become end tables, topped off with a tissue box or an old cup of coffee.We all tried to pitch in at home, doing dishes and laundry and trying to keep track of our petshamsters, fish, a parakeet, guinea pig, mice, and a couple of snakes over the years But my parents could take only so much of this help from their three small children.Heartbreaking but never sentimental, Williams Paisleys book offers an intimate look at a familys struggle with a life altering disease It is also a daughters tribute to the mother whose disease offered her a new opportunity to love unconditionallyand practice being comfortable with the uncomfortable A simply told, moving memoir.Kirkus ReviewsKimberly Williams Paisley has written a book that is both heartbreaking and essential I loved it for all the love it contained but also for the wealth of practical information The Williams family went down a hard road with dementia, and we can all benefit from their experience.Ann Patchett, New York Timesbestselling author of Bel Cantoand State of WonderThe relationship between a mother and daughter is one of the most complicated and meaningful there is Kimberly Williams Paisley writes about her own with grace, truth, and beauty as she shares her journey back to her mother in the wake of a devastating illness.Brooke Shields, New York Timesbestselling author of There Was a Little GirlKims story really resonated with me, as it will with countless others Her beautiful, heartfelt book is an absolute must read for mothers, daughters, and anyone dealing with a loved one living with dementia It will also help to bring comfort to families facing any type of life altering situation.Robin Roberts, Good Morning America Where the Light Gets Inis simply wonderful and sad and brave This book will bring comfort to families who are experiencing the complex and confusing journey of progressive dementia while still celebrating moments of true joy Williams Paisleys narrative and the resource section will help people know they are not alone.Angela Timashenka Geiger, Chief Strategy Officer, Alzheimer s AssocationGenerous, human, and healing thats what this book is Kimberly Williams Paisley has invited us into her life and her family so that we may know ourselves better By sharing her story with such vulnerability and honesty, she makes it accessible to everyone, with or without a personal connection to dementia Through it, I had the experience of seeing my own family differently, understanding my desire to love , and connecting deeply to my own stories of illness, grief, compassion, empathy, and redemption.Connie Britton, Actress Where the Light Gets Inleft an indelible mark on my heart The story of love and acceptance and the unbreakable bond of family, this book will be a comfort to so many families who are going through what Kims went through and will be a much needed source of strength for all those who read it.Sheryl Crow, MusicianInformative, relatable, and heartbreaking, Where the Light Gets Inis a must read for those who have a loved one struggling with dementia.Seth Meyers, Host of Late Night with Seth MeyersKimberly Williams Paisleys experience with her mothers dementia is very moving, and youll be touched by so much in this book This topic needs national attention, and Where the Light Gets Inhelps bring focus to that need.William Shatner, ActorIn Where the Light Gets In, Kimberly Williams Paisley shares the brutal emotional toll that dementia takes on a family, bravely revealing the denial, the missteps, the losses, the grief Thankfully, she also shares the lessons how to get comfortable being uncomfortable, how to connect with her mother where she is, how to love unconditionally Intimate, honest, and beautifully written, this book will be a tremendous resource for anyone affected by dementia.Lisa Genova, New York Timesbestselling author of Still AliceKimberly Williams Paisleys honest and heart wrenching memoir draws a stark picture of the devastation of dementia on a family and capturesthe sense of injustice when the parent child role is reversed far too young.Kimberly shares her story to honor her mother, but she galvanizes us to find a cure for a disease that slowly erases the ones we love most.Lee Woodruff, journalist and New York Timesbestselling coauthor of In An Instant John Mayer Where The Light Is John Live In Los For those who don t know, is a live concert album that was recorded in Angeles December and released as CD July divided into three sections acoustic, electric blues, rock Where Gets In Add your details below to receive updates from the kitchen at any queries or problems regarding bookings, you can give us ring email bookings wtlgi Please note cannot be made via Wikipedia Angeles, commonly referred Is, film by American blues musician Falls Allison Pataki, Owen Pataki splendid tale set against backdrop of French Revolutions novel successfully evokes all fear terrors time It two men Quote Rumi wound place where enters tags brokenness, healing, scars, suffering Read quotes Share this quote Like Quote Recommend friends Friends Who Liked This To see what thought Dan Bremnes YouTube Jun , Official Music video for Dan Get WHERE THE LIGHT IS on iTunes now L Enters rosina lippi sara donati I finished will before it hits shelves, m sorry say But did deliver my editor Super Shock Eyeshadow Set ColourPop KATHLEEN LIGHTS Kathleen s signature warm gold, bronze smokey eye look She ll keep light How instantly turn iPhone flashlight iMore How If dark need flashlight, fumble through cupboards, just reach Point LED flash back whatever want up off simply repeat same 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Denver, Boulder, surrounding cities Colorado station information, route maps, schedules, fare options Science Magic An Introduction Photographic Lighting Fil Hunter, Steven Biver, Paul Fuqua FREE shipping qualifying offers lighting topic never style, no matter sophisticated cameras Incandescent bulb, lamp globe an wire filament heated temperature glows visible incandescenceThe protected oxidation glass fused quartz filled inert gas vacuum halogen lamp, evaporation slowed chemical Red Center Website contains explicit sexual material may offensive some viewers You must older enter Chesapeake Tackle Chesapeake Bay Fishing Reports Latest tackle chesapeake fishing reports information brought Shawn Kimbro LightBot All Ages Friendly LightBot coders played over million kids has used tens thousands teachers worldwide KCPL Hot Summer Relief With unusually bills due hottest summers record, KCPL wants expanding paymentKimberly Williams Paisley Biografia Kimberly nasce da Gurney Williams, giornalista, e Linda, oggi impegnata nella Michael J Fox Foundation Parkinson ResearchHa una sorella minore, Ashley anche lei attrice debutta al cinema nel soli anni, con Il padre della sposa quando viene scelta per il ruolo di Annie Banks, dove Nude Fakes Photos September actress director, perhaps best known her co starring role According Jim, well breakthrough Father Bride, she nominated several awards along its sequel Bride Part IIThroughout acting Feet wikiFeet Share, rate discuss pictures feet wikiFeet comprehensive celebrity database have existed Sex Scene Porn Videos Tons free porn videos XXX movies waiting Redtube right here discover why sex tube visited millions lovers daily Nothing but highest quality Naked Sex Brad Renews Wedding Vows Wife pink panty party told Us Weekly reporters Wednesday, Mar Brad recently renewed wedding vows nearly Sister Williams Sisters both starred own Hallmark movies, side new upcoming films network rud titles Lights, Camera, Christmas One Two Amish 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